Scary.

I think pregnancy is one of the scariest times of my life. There are so many thoughts that have been running through my head. When I first heard I was pregnant I was terrified with the timing. Now I am so excited. The timing will work out just fine and we couldn't be happier about growing our little family. Now I have other things to be scared about.
Friday afternoon I started to get some super bad cramps. I tried to brush it off. I have also had some wierd blacking out that has made me nervous. There is a lot going on in my body right now. Maybe the pain is just my uterus growing or moving. Could it be that massive clump of cysts I have on my ovaries causing some cramping? I also have a condition called interstitial cystitis. In English that means a cronic bladder infection. I was diagnosed with it when I was 18 and it's so much fun (sarcasim).
Anyway, I was trying to come up with any reason in the book why I way cramping. Anything other than something being wrong with the baby. Well, Saturday morning rolled around and it was SO MUCH WORSE. Andrew was working and I was trying my best not to let him know how bad it was so he wouldn't worry. I was in bed a good part of the morning. There were times I laid there thinking "if I have to go to the hospital, Andrew can meet me there but who am I going to call to come get Warren?" It was that bad. I didn't even shower until 10am and for anyone who knows me, you know that means something was way off. If I am in bed past 7am it's been a late morning. I just couldn't get going. So, I tried to survive the morning and tried to keep Warren as happy as possible while feeling like crap.
I had a baby shower to go to at 11:00. If it hadn't been such a good friend, I would have missed it. But I wanted/needed to be there. So I got in the shower and made an attempt to get ready. At this point I hadn't cried at all. Andrew got home around 10:45am and said the words that will always make a woman cry. "Are you ok?" He didn't even really know what was going on, just that something was going on. I lost it. I cried so hard for like 10 minutes and couldn't even tell him what was going on. Finally I let him know how scared I was. As always, he knew exactly what to say. He calmed me down, and helped me get ready so I could get out the door.
Having a baby growing inside of you, but not knowing how it is doing is so scary to me. I all day long I wonder if it's little heart is stil beating. Is it growing the way it should? Am I doing everything I should be doing?
So, I made it to lunch with my friends. When they asked how I was feeling I told them I was cramping and their faces kind of looked concerned. They told me to call the doctor. But it's a Saturday...... I know there is that on-call Doctor option, but I always feel silly bothering them with something like this. I was reminded how much we pay them and that a phone call shouldn't be a concern.
I got in my car after lunch and decided to call. What could it hurt... right? The after hours service asked me a few questions then told me the oncall doctor would get back to me shortly. About an hour later (does that count as shortly?) I got a call. Here's how it went:
Doc: "Hi, this is doctor so and so (he was so grumpy I couldn't understand what his name was) you paged?"
Me: "Oh, hi. Thanks for calling back. Sorry to bother you on a Saturday, I am just a little concerned right now. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and have had some super cramping for about a day now."
Doc: Is this your first pregnancy?
Me: No, second.
Doc: Are you bleeding?
Me: No. But I have been blacking out. 4 times this week.
Doc: Well, do you think that is realted to the cramping?
Me: (IN MY HEAD I THOUGHT, I don't know you grumpy SOB, you tell me!) But, the polite me said, I'm not sure. I've had enough to drink and eat. I just don't know what's going on.
Doc: If you're not bleeding, and don't have chills your probably just tired. Stay in bed as much as possible, stay hydrated and call your own doctor on Monday to follow up.
Me: Ummm, ok. Thanks.
Doc: Sure, click.

What a d-bag. Just because you have the word doctor infront of your name it doesn't give you the right to act better than everyone else. I am sorry if I interupted your ski day, or round of golf or whatever the heck you were doing, but I am a patient who needed some help and he didn't have to be such a jerk. Honestly it took so much for me to even call in the first place. I can't wait to tell my doctor on Monday what an a-hole he has on his on-call list. And, if something is wrong with this baby that doctor will hear from me again, but not the polite me.

So, here I am. Sunday morning. Still scared. But without bleeding apparently they don't want to check you out at the hospital. After all of this, it's probably nothing. Just my overactive mind making it worse than it really is. I guess we will see tomorrow when I get to see my real doctor.