I have spent the last hour reading my pregnancy blog posts from when I was pregnant with Weston. It's so much fun to go back and read. Especially now knowing the little squirt in there was Wessy Man. Seeing his ultra sound pictures. Remembering how scared I was for nine straight months that something was wrong....
It's actually reassuring to read all of that. Especially because I am having an almost identical pregnancy this time around. It's funny how I have forgotten though. I am not nauseated, I have a decent amount of energy. The 3 things that were bugging me around this time with Weston are bugging me again. Cramping, light headed, feeling fat and ugly.
Seriously, I don't want to go anywhere. My normal clothes are too tight. It's too early to pull out the maternity clothes. I get way bad zits when I am pregnant. I just want to hide. My boss wanted to get a nice staff picture for our Christmas Card today. I told him if anyone takes my picture in the next year I will chop their arms off.
This is a tough time in a pregnancy I think. You don't feel them kicking very much so I am always worried. I think more so this time around because of the miscarriage. I didn't realize how badly that affected my mentally. I keep thinking something is wrong. And I am nervous to tell people I am pregnant because it doesn't seem real. And I keep thinking if something happens, I don't want to tell people we lost the baby. So I kind of keep quiet about it. I don't care if people know, but I am not making a big press release about it.
I think it could all change next week. I hope finding out the gender will change my attitude. I hope all goes well. We are taking the boys with us. I hope they behave. I loved reading about Warren's response last time. He held my hand and was nervous, but excited to find out he was getting a brother.
I know it sounds cliché, but I really just hope this baby is healthy. After having a miscarriage, and knowing a few people loose children, I just hope we get a healthy baby. Deep down inside I think I was born to be a mother of boys, but we shall see.
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Although this is my second pregnancy, you wouldn't know it by all the questions I have had. I realized that when I was pregnant with Warren, I didn't write anything down about how I felt. So, I hope this blog will help me remember what pregnancy is like so the next time around I can look back and read. So, here we go on round two. I will more than likely write about everything.... so I can't guarantee 'G' rated, but I am going to write The All Out Truth about how I am feeling.
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